Some of you may know this while most of you won’t. I used to have a women’s self-develpment organization called Women Moving Forward. The goal of the organization was to help women create the lives they wanted in all areas of their lives by focusing on goals, supporting each other at weekly/monthly events (this was before Facebook) and our annual conferences.
For some reason, back then, I had no trouble writing about my life, the lessons I was learning and the experiences I was so blessed to have with the women of this organziation. Writing was easy. It was effortless. It was fun.
Now – boy, have times have changed. I can’t seem to find the words to write anything worth sharing. I stumble. I worry what it will sound like and if what I am writing will even reach people who need it most.
I also worry too much about what people think and all the darn intracacies of what social media now brings. Times were simpler back then when it was just an email that was sent out and people wrote back if they liked it or not. It wasn’t « shared », « liked », « tweeted » or « stumbled upon » (and I’m missing several – hundred – I’m sure).
But this feeling of holding myself back has been eating me up. I used to love to write. I used to love taking my experiences and all of the learnings to bring a perspective that would spark a conversation, inspire a new perspective or just plain offer some reflection about our lives. It really didn’t matter back then. I just wanted to write and share what I was learning so others could learn and maybe do something that would make their lives a little easier.
Since then…well… I’ve held myself back. Until now.
I’ve experienced a lot of personal turmoil this past summer, most of which I cannot share due to the nature of the challenges. Although I’d love to say that I was happy to overcome these challenges with grace and a sense of conviction, I must admit that they crushed me and pulled me down. Way down! Down into a place I had never experienced and one that scared me to death.
Even with all this happening, I was surrounded and very blessed to have many people in my life to love and support me and I often thanked them for just being there. The truth is, I felt alone and I WAS alone. I had to get through it, walk through it, experience it, by myself. – and I’m sure you are no stranger to this either.
The love and support helped. It helped give me strength, it gave me hope and it gave me a resolve I wasn’t feeling on my own.
So today, I turn a new page. I want to be that woman who so many years ago shared fearlessly what she was experiencing so that it could help one person, or a few, live a happier and more fulfilling life.
I’d like to say « I’m back » but I’m not sure that is 100% true. I do know it feels good to share this with you even if it means nothing to you. For me, it means the world.
P.S. The photograph is of a rose in my rose garden. For some reason, a spider formed its web around this one rose and I found it beautiful how they could co-exist. When I wrote this post and was looking for a photograph to accompany it, this one came onto my screen and I knew it was THE one. Just like most things, it was perfect before I knew it was.